Trying to get on track

So I have been telling all kinds of fun stories to the kids back home (in CA) about all the great "new" things Ive learned since moving to the South. Ive been promising to start writing them down and Im finally getting around to it. Here it is people - you wanted it - you got it.

First of all - I can not tell you the amount of times Ive heard "your not from aroun here ar ya"?
You would think these people were looking at an alien when I speak sometimes. I got a job at a resturant when we first got here, do what you gotta do. It was great for getting me out of the house and meeting some locals. Damn. It took me a week or so to catch the speed I needed to slow down to so that people could figure out what I was saying when I got to their tables. I think the worst part is - I used to have bad dreams about shit like this. Im so not kidding. Did you ever have a dream where everyone in your dream is speaking at the speed of a snail crawling??? Where the words actually take soooo long to come out of their mouths that it is physically painful? - will I did - alot, and now Im living it. It hurts. It hurts alot. Ive always talked too fast - too fast for people that talk fast. I truley believe I was brought to this for a reason and one day, when I figure out what that is I will have some peace - and until then - DAMN YOU SLOW TALKIN SOUTHERN MOFOS!